In the Underworld:

Channels spread behind

the pearly surface,

illuminating paths

to paradise;

But these

honey-laden constellations

lay far beyond the nearest horizon,

motes of light

projected from distant space,

inscribing every surface

that they touch.

I watched the lights shift

for days (maybe weeks)

trying to find something

perfect for me,

but nothing quite fit

my reality.

Electrified but frustrated-

I stopped,

leaned back,

and stared into the umbral void.

From afar, the wails and moans

sound like wind

slowly sweeping across

the stagnant plains.

It’d be beautiful

if there was change there-

if entropy could

animate anything

and reignite

the cycle of rebirth.

The only motion

was the shifting sky;

every star was there,

popping in and out

like TV static-

rolling, foamy surf

covering all

of the distant heavens.

I sat there until

I grew numb again

and the memories

of the light faded-

taking the safe pathway

I would with them.

Spinning around,

nothing looked familiar.

Even as the earth splits open

to spit back earnest desires-

even as the storm batters my raw flesh-

The ocean rocks me to sleep,

deep below the shining surface.

Every month

welcomes a new disaster

and each on reaches

to claw out my heart-

trying to fill me

with someone else’s thoughts:

like a robot.

My feelings go numb.

I slowly withdraw into my body,

and build a defense

against the outside:

tall, thick crystal walls-

a cocoon around the new opening.

Like a bug immortalized in amber,

so too will I rest, at last,

in this crystal mausoleum-

suffocating as the fluid thickens.

Immobilizing.

I’m killing myself.

It forces another tear out of me,

another desire.

And from that holy pearl,

a prayer whispered,

“are you still watching?”

This is not

the story of my escape-

it was my binding.

I drowned inside that cocoon,

alchemizing into a jewel

held behind closed lips.

The glow of the screen

faded to deep black,

and I wondered if

it was time to stop;

but day would come

in just a few hours

and paint heaven’s windows

with a blue tint.

To retrace the path

from light to shadow,

I withdrew from

this prison’s gaping maw-

knowing it could be

my soul’s destined home.

I peeked through those panes

from the other side.

Peering down at my sad,

crumpled figure,

I thought back to the small joys

that made life bearable.

The phosphenes rearranged

into a new star chart-

a long path back to the heavens;

And so began my journey

from deepest despair

to those luminaries calling me home.