Dread /dred/

noun - great fear or anxiety that something bad or unpleasant will happen…

verb - to be seized or arrested by fear or anxiety for an unpleasant circumstance

When I was younger, it felt like i could change reality if i dreamed hard enough,

At night, as i drift to sleep beneath the glow of liquid crystal,  

My thoughts would culture and bead,

rolling from my eyes into the ocean of stars

And somewhere among those shining isles, 

a pearl would drop,

And offer an escape from this isolation.

^

Sometimes I watch

a movie just to cry.

I need an excuse

to let it all out,

so I don't just sit

and process myself-

all the ways I'm utterly powerless-

l want a reason

beyond self-loathing.

I look for reasons

behind the paywall.

"That'll be 10 bucks.”

“Thanks for the business!”

More lacrimal pearls are set loose

from these still drying coffers.

Here I am,

the ground beneath the current,

pushing up against these

electric thoughts:

My emotions are

a minefield,

so I turn them off

when all the messages come;

they float

below the surface

till the currents

bring them downstream,

to open the dam

holding everything.

What else can i do?

I'm beset from all sides,

praying the heavens split apart

and wipe me from this plane.

I need a strong shell

before it's too late.

Before my wish is finally answered.

Will my tears wash anything clean? 

Will they make anything right?

How could they?

Each drop is lost

in this torrent of misery.

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